A Christmas Wish

Dear Santa,
What should I write to you…When you know everything.And if you know everything then why is there so much disappointment?So much pain and so much hurt everywhere around.Why aren’t there smilling and cheerful faces like you around?How can you smile when there is so much wrong going around everywhere.Are you smiling at the irony of it?Or at the foolishness of us humans?

Are the material gifts you give enough to make us forget about everything?For how long do you expect us to be just kids who are happy with toys.Who are unconcerned about the greater realities of life.I can’t do that anymore.I am aware of what’s happening around and I am not content with it.There is this rage,restlessness and bitterness concerning all what is there which should not be.Can you gift me a world where man is not the biggest enemy of another man.Where people understand each other and respect each other,can you take back your gifts of jealousy,hatred and selfishness from mankind?This Christmas can you just make me a small promise that you will make sure that everybody has two times meal to eat ?Just this much dear Santa.
Yours lovingly,
Priya

Being a twenty something ain't easy

Yes,life will change.All your friends ,the group will not be together.Forever would become a delusionary word,one of those hollow words which loses its significance when reality befalls.Life will never be the same.Love and relationships is what will seem the hottest topic to be discussed around the corner.Marriage would be the word you would dread off and want too.If all this is true you definitely are about to be 25 and more to follow.You would wish that the time should become still and you can live forever the life you have been living.Long STD phone calls and memoirs of the past is what you will be left with.You would frequently receive news from friends getting engaged or married and every conversation with any age group will end up in asking you the most dreaded question:So when are you getting married?As if it’s the latest fashion trend and you are left out and don’t have any idea about it.People will lecture you on being more responsible and you are left wondering haven’t living alone far from home since so many years proves that I am responsible and independent and can take good care of myself.If you can relate to all this then welcome to the elite group of adult and responsible people,yess you are no longer a kid though you still love to do kiddish things at many a times.

Love Ki MB1

Love …An incomprehensible feeling that takes over your mind,body and soul and changes you in a manner that you are never the same.Sab chemical locha hai bhai…Hormonal discrepancy,at a certain age your hormones go mad and decide to play a trick with your whole system inside and out to give you a glimpse of afterlife (heaven and hell here right on earth!!!).And slowly and steadily after a certain age they calm down come back to normal,jawani ka josh,sab thanda and you realise what life is and what truly love is.You may have felt that the other person is the only thing you would ever want in your whole life and if you are together then the whole world is yours.But time teaches you the lesson.that you can fall in love anywhere,anytime or should I say any number of times…  :D Whenever it does happens it messes up badly with your whole being.Raaton ki neend,din ka chaen,yess those sleepless nights !!! Your perspective towards everything and everyone.Everything just changes.But still you enjoy being devastated like this.Yess,that’s what love is chemical lafda.If you are suffering from any of these symptoms i.e. lost in thoughts of someone anywhere and anytime ,sleepless nights,a sudden liking towards romantic movies and songs,becoming compassionate even towards your enemies..Then certainly the chemical wiring of your body has had a short circuit somewhere and it needs repairing before you get a big shock.

Are you addicted to pain?

The drop of tear on her rosy cheek glistened like dew drop on a green leaf in a foggy morning

That’s how enchanting pain is.It allures you and then defies your rational instincts and makes you its slave.
Sometimes you are just happy being in pain,it’s like a drug that keeps you going…
So are you addicted?If yes,then wake up life is too short to be sad…Its passing by in every single second,laugh and make others laugh.Live in the present and don’t sit and brood under the shadows of past…Life’s calling…Are you listening???

A Tear and a Smile

A tear trickled down her cheeks.But this tear was special,not of sadness or pain but of the staggering joy overflowing her heart and soul.Life is mysterious and full of surprises.She had seen life from close quarters and knows how much true it really is.Just when she has given up all hopes a ray glistened and enlightened her world.She was all shattered,broken and was drifting on dark and unknown roads of her life and found herself so lost and just then she found a path in front of her,bright and filled with flowers leading to her dreams.It was as if GOD has finally decided to end her misery and the puzzle is solved.All the scattered pieces can now be related.

Each and every incident was a part of a game plan framed by none other than HE himself.As Shakespeare has said “Life’s a stage and we are meagre puppets”. After Kushal  her dearest husband met that horrific tragedy and left her alone at a young age of 24 after 3 months of marriage,she became lifeless.She often cursed GOD why she didn’t die along with him,why she survived the car accident,why why why???? She found life purposeless.She was a practical soul,always had a solution for every problem.But life itself became her problem.Kushal’s words were echoing in her soul…”I will never leave you,I will always be with you…Just close your eyes and think of me and I will be there “and so it was always.When he was alive and even when he went to heaven.

She used to spend days thinking of them…Whenever she used to close her eyes,she saw him,felt his breath,his smell,his voice….She used to sit at sofa,bed or floor like a statue for hours with no idea of time…Just lost in thoughts,their thoughts and dreams which they have knit in the past few months after their marriage.The best 3 months of her life.Kushal was not only her husband but her soulmate.As they often say “Made for each other”,it was so true for them.

Life came at hault.Until today…Kavya now had a reason to live and life wasn’t  a compulsion anymore.She felt like Kushal is with her again,he kept his promise.She still couldn’t forget that moment when she came to know of it.Now another life was crawling,shaping and dreaming within her.Yes,she was going to be a “Mother”.Her Kushal was with her,the fruit of her hopes,love,pain,sufferings will soon be ripened.True love never dies…Never….She came out of the hospital room with her reports and her life…A truck with a banner was passing by…It read…

"Life never ends,it just transforms”

Random Thoughts #1

She wanted to run,to hide....
Is it possible to hide from yourself,your instincts,your desires,your thoughts
In vain she ran and locked herself up,only to find the devil inside has caught her alone...
There he was smiling wickedly at her fearful and confused face..

A conversation with myself

All of us are sane (though I am a bit skeptical about it :P).Everybody has a little bit of insanity that’s why we are able to enjoy and live through life’s drama (the so called roller coaster ride I say).This whole idea of insanity is introduced in the beginning to make more sense to what I am going to say next.There are times when we talk to ourselves(sounds so insane,rite???), but yes we often talk to ourselves else I guess I am the only insane here. ;)  Some do it silently not even a little hush hush here or there and some do that loudly and are laughed at.At times when the wind hits hard,we try to console our inner selves saying everything will be alright soon.Sometimes we do the opposite,we cry within that why it always happens with me?Why me only?We keep on blaming fate,GOD,destiny and people around us. We talk to ourselves at those times. Today when I had this conversation with myself, I said to myself no matter whatever happens it will be good,it ought to be good,its not the end,its just the beginning of another phase.

So what have you said to yourself recently???

THE IF I WERE TAG :)

Saw this tag on one of my favourite bloggers site and couldn't resist taking it up :) 

"THE IF I WERE TAG"

If I were a color, I'd choose to be WHITE( peaceful,serene and pure)

If I were a liquid, I'd choose to be WATER(flowing freely,supporting life and molding in any shape it is poured into)

If I were a time, I'd choose to be FOREVER(eternity enchants my soul)

If I were a cellphone, I'd choose to be RING TONE (singing aloud )

If I were a voice, I'd choose to be HEARTBEAT

If I were a bird, I'd choose to be  ALBATROSS(wide wings and flying high)

If I were a emotion, I'd choose to be LOVE (to love and be loved unconditionally everyone's secret desire I guess if not then mine for sure :P)

If I were a music, I'd choose to be THE RUSTLE OF LEAVES IN A WIND

If I were a smile, I'd choose be WHICH MAKES OTHERS SMILE BACK

If I were water, I'd choose to be THE OCEAN (where finally all the rivers drain into,the end of a long journey)

If I were an investor, I'd choose to be INVESTING AND TREASURING RELATIONSHIPS

If I were a stock, I'd choose to be STALKED!!!ha ha ha,PJ I knw :(

If I were a flower, I'd choose to be A TULIP

If i were a time of day, i'd choose to be TWILIGHT (its not only because of the love for the book but the time too)

If I were an artist, I'd choose to be PAINTER(wish the whole world had been my canvas as they say)

If I were a subject, I'd choose to be LITERATURE(this is for the love of reading)

If I were life, I'd choose to be SHORT AND SIMPLE :)

If i were to go missing from this world, i'd choose to be HATRED(any kind of hatred)

If I were luck, I'd choose to be ALWAYS AVAILABLE(ha ha ha,this was a gud one rite? ;) )

if i were a memory, i'd choose to be PRESERVING ONLY MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS AND LOVE AND NOT OF PAIN ,OF ARRIVALS NOT THE DEPARTURES  :)

 And I would love to pass this tag to Lioness,Mak and VJ :) 

The Bride : to be or not to be

She died a thousand deaths each moment.Each of those moments she thought of them,thought of him.It was the most auspicious and greatest day of her life.She was getting married today.Since morning everybody in the house was running around,busy in preparations.They were so busy celebrating that no one thought about her.She was still sleeping blissfully.Her Mom thought I should let her rest a bit more,its going to be a big and tiring day.It was her last day as a girl in her house,in sometime she will be someone’s wife,someone’s daughter in law.

The clock struck 10.Pri…Pri!!!! Wake up.Its your wedding today sweetheart.Lots of work to be done.Her Mom started shouting as she daily does to wake her up.Only after half an hour of shouting and groaning will she open her eyes.She was a really pampered one being the only daughter .She kept on the routine of calling her along with her wedding preparations.The clock struck 11.Now Shakuntla was very angry on her daughter.She went close to her and her anger evaporated.She ran her hand through her hair and asked her to wake up.Pri didn’t budge even a bit.Then Shakuntla realized since last 1 hr Pri hasn’t moved an inch.She was sleeping like she was dead.Dead that thought creased her forehead.She started shaking Pri vigorously.Suddenly a letter fell from the bed.

Dearest Mom ,

By the time you will be reading this letter I would have sailed to heaven or hell I fear now because of the sin I committed.Ma,I couldn’t forget him,his memories still haunt me.Thinking myself to be in some other man’s arms makes me loathe myself.I burn to ashes on this thought.I couldn’t belong to anyone else I belong to only him.I know I am being a coward running away from life but I can’t bear this pain anylonger.Its killing me every second.I cannot stand his betrayal.It was my first and last true love.I don’t have capability to love somebody else.I am sorry to disappoint you like this.I have been your achi beti and I thought I will be by marrying the guy you chose after he left me shattered.You nursed me and my soul Ma.You had been my best friend and not just Ma.You have showered me with the love of both Dad and Mom and never let me miss his absence in life.I am sorry to make you go through this Ma.But I am really helpless.I can’t destroy Ajay’s life,he is such a caring and loving person.His wife would be the luckiest of all.But Ma,I cannot be his wife.I cannot give him happiness,I have always given him sorrow,my pain and he had always readily taken all and soothed me.Such a great guy you found for me Ma.But I can’t give him the same love and happiness ever.I can’t destroy his life and make it hell as mine already is.Ma please forgive me if you can.I love you Ma.

Yours,

Pri

Shakuntla stood their stunned.She noticed the bottle of poison beside her sleeping baby’s pillow.She remembered the day when her little Pri  first called her Ma.It made her feel so complete,those words  were like the first drops of rain in a desert.She was one and a half.Pri’s father left them alone in world with his memories after a dreadful car accident.She was fighting hard with herself and world,but she has to survive and live for her Pri.And when she said Ma,all the pain seemed worthwhile.She found a purpose to her life,Pri became her world her purpose to live.And she do was happy.Her first steps,her cute smile made her forget the pain of tired body and tired soul after a hard day’s work.

Shakuntla couldn’t believe her pri is no more.Her Pri who was to be adorned in a red saree today,who had to be dressed as a bride was lying there covered in white,breathless,lifeless.As lifeless as she was now.

Destiny!!!Ahan???

Do you believe in destiny?If yes,then is the intense pain we go through,those moments of ecstasy are already defined?Written out there,somewhere ????And we are just mere creatures playing the parts of this drama which is been scripted long ago. Long ago when we didn’t even have the slightest idea of what life really is? (** Oh this reminds me of As you Like It**) Sometimes we put our whole soul for achieving something and in the end to our sheer disappointment we end up empty handed.Just because we were not destined for it?Come on!!! What about try again and again until you succeed?Failures have never stopped the achievers(take Edison for example).And then there are something’s which we never even dreamed of and it seems like a fairytale and we can’t find ourselves lucky enough to get it so easily.And then people say again(and again and …) because you were destined for this.So what exactly is this destiny doing in our lives??If everything is already defined then why am I doing anything?If I was destined to be an engineer then even if I would have not went for schooling or higher education in a country like India would I have ended up being one?People say you need to work to achieve your destiny..Oh really???If I need to work to achieve my destiny then why not I get what I desire whole heartedly and work hard for and wish for?Why we keep on blaming things to destiny,just because it makes us feel lighter?And if I am really “destined” for something which I don’t know how can I work towards it?Whatever I do or I don’t do I should reach close to my destiny.Isn’t it???If your love is successful then everybody says you two were destined for each other and if not then you two were not destined to be together.Destined???Ahan!!! Its all a part of life,its so uncertain,you don’t know what will happen next second.But one thing is for sure,your actions and your decisions shape your destiny(oops,did I just say destiny ??? I meant your life ;) ).

Dreams Unlimited

We all dream and desire right.Thats what keeps us going.With age dreams change.When I was a child I dreamt to be a teacher,after few more years I wanted to be an engineer,after few more years I wanted to be an IAS.But I ended up being in IT.Yeah,I never knew how it would actually feel like to be a software engineer until I ended up being one. He he he  

So everyone dreams of something and with time and circumstances dreams and desires change.Now,I have completely different dreams and desires(**it’s a secret,can’t reveal**) ;).But most of the people have same fantasies and desires during a period of their life time.I am not what I wanted to be but perhaps this was what I was meant to be,perhaps this was where I was supposed to be,to make me what I am today.We plan,we strive,we work hard but many a times we end up being somewhere we never thought we would be.But sometimes it is better than where you could have been and worth it.

Leaving all this thinking apart let me lighten up and ask you what you wanted to be when you were a child? I wonder how many will say a software engineer…He he he

Life is Beautiful

Life is beautiful.I keep telling this to myself whenever I feel like things are falling apart.That soon everything will fall into place.And things mend up in what seems like a century.You are again smiling,laughing your heart out,seem to be back with a bang and then there are moments when the shadows of the past reincarnate and haunt you.You are so broken and seems like this night will never end perhaps.But no as they say life goes on.You move around in a vicious circle.You move on and try to make present as charming as you always wanted to be.And then you have a meeting with the so called life.Yes,the beautiful life you always dream of.But what actually would my beautiful life be like?Would I want lots of money to afford every luxury I can dream of, or if I am with the love of my life living happily ever after?Is it?But life isn’t fairy tales.Even if you get married to your love it isn’t happily ever after.It takes lots of effort for everything.So you make your life beautiful with your efforts.If you have decided that my life is beautiful then no one can mess with it.It takes courage,determination and not giving up in the hardest of moments,in having the slightest ray of hope in the darkest of times.So,I am going to live my beautiful life which will be with my family and friends,what’s your idea of a beautiful life?

What you think if you have or will have then your life will be beautiful?

A journey

They were travelling on a long trip.But the silence hanging in air was deafening.The morbid silence shattered her into thousands of pieces each second it prolonged.She stole a glance at him.He was quiet as ever,he is never quiet,always chattering,making fun and doing something or the other.

Reminiscents of pasts floated in front of her eyes.They are sitting in an auto travelling to one end

of the city from the other,same as today.But things were so different.The playful banters,the laughter,the shining faces nothing was there today.All seems to be stolen,sucked up in the abyss of time.

She still loves him the same way she did before.But he doesn’t wants to wander over the untravelled roads of love anymore.His callous,strange behavior broke her heart,choked her breath.But she can’t change anything about it.Neither can she change him,nor herself.

He started doing facebook in his phone to pass through the long journey.His love was next to him but she meant nothing to him at this moment,she was not his love anymore.She was not even just another person,not even a good friend,not even an enemy,she was nothing anymore,nothing.She was just some burden he has to bear for next few hours because of circumstances,which has brought them together after so long.

Again she was lost in the past.The events of their first meeting till last flashed through her mind in a few seconds.She still doesn’t knows what she did wrong?Was she not understanding enough,she didn’t love him enough?Was she not a beautiful person,inside and out,she wasn’t good enough?

She concluded she is not good enough for him and she is not destined to love or be loved.Fate has always snatched all those from her whom she loved the most.Her Mom,the only person she loved more than anything in the world left her alone.She didn’t wanted to,she fought bravely with destiny and herself for 2 years but leukemia won in the end.This wounded her deeply but she started learning to live,because life goes on.She started to love again but he again left her wounded.Wounds which can perhaps never be healed,not even by time,the best healer of all.

But she learned to conceal those lethal wounds and live,laugh,dance and work.Suddenly the auto came to a halt.She snapped back to present.The journey was over.It was really a long journey,she travelled her whole life in past half an hour.

Just listen

Sometimes you just want people to listen to you.Your friends and your dear ones should just listen to what you are feeling and what you are going through.And you don’t want them to impose suggestions and decisions that you should take in that situation.Sometimes all you just need is to vent your heart out.But people often end up giving clarifications and justifications for why this is happening and what you should do?But you know what you should have done and what you should do many a times but you just want a kindred soul to have patience and just hear out what you have to say.You don’t want their opinions which are each varying most of the time and confuse you further at times and make you feel worse.I am not blaming them,I know that they love us and care for us and what they think is best is what they are telling you.But often I don’t need to hear anything from them and I just want them to listen.

Monsoon Blues

 

It was raining incessantly and the clouds roared ,thundered and poured over the city.She stood by the window watching the rain and wondering.She was also sodden,her heart was laden with grief and wanted to pour out as the heavy dark clouds did.But life has taught her to carry this burden and be calm and serene as a bright clear day.

She remembered the day when she first came to this city.It was rainy season.The city was all wet and the life was almost at halt with long traffic jams.Life was particularly very slow in this city,the city of Joy Kolkata.But it was full of colors and joy.The awesome food,the jovial and friendly people.She made numerous friends in no time.

Ten years have passed since then and she was never able to leave the city.She fell in love with it.She liked this slow pace of life.She always had been different from crowd.People loved to run,she loved to walk,slowly enjoying everything around. Fast moving life in metros repelled her,soured her soul,where people don’t have time even for themselves.She wanted time for herself,to nurture her soul,to let her be with herself.There was some magic in the air of city which charmed her,alluded her.

She was distracted by a voice.It was Mitthu her maid.. “ Didi,cha toyeri hoye gache “ She bought the steaming cup of tea.”Dhonobad Mitthu…tumi giye aaram koro…aamar aar kichu chai naa.”

She was lost again in the trivia of past,present and future.But the past snatched her away from all others and engrossed her thoughts.Her first day in this city,she had been out from her home for the first time.There was fear and excitement amalgamated on her face.But she was beautiful and charming.She used to attract people as honey attracts bee.She shed the shell in which she was hiding within few months and let herself expose to the world.

It was all bright and colorful.She got wings and she flew to heights never known to her.She rediscovered herself.But then he came into her life,into Shreya’s life.He who left her with broken wings and broken heart.She went through excruciating pain,amount of pain she never experienced before in her life.He was a gust of wind who blew her away with him.Her happiness,her girliness,her self.She was swept off and then she was thrashed to the ground.

Who is responsible for our happiness?

I came across something which made me ponder over this topic.

We all want to be happy in our lives.We want to enjoy and laugh till our last breathe.Nobody wants to suffer and to be in pain.But where does this happiness comes from?How to be happy?

Is it something which we get from outside,material things,from being loved,from being valued and getting whatever we desire?

All our wishes being fulfilled however stupid,irrelvant desires,dreams we have,what if they all come true?Then will we be happy?Or we would want something else then.When we get something we really want,it gives us joy.But for how long.Its always momentarily.

Once its met we dream and desire for something else and find our happiness in acheiving that.

So who is responsible for us to be happy?Is it GOD’s duty to fulfill all our desires?Is it

all the people related to us who should behave and do things in way we want them to and expect them to.What about their needs and their desires?About their individuality?

What I really think is I am responsible for my feelings and my happpiness.

Only me myself can make me feel mad,sad or happy at anytime.Situations,fate,circumstances whatever they may be,however hard they may be,but in the end if i have decided to be happy and smile through them all,then what?

The problems won’t be resolved but there’s no use fretting over them.Time is flying by so quickly.Why should we waste our time being sad,why to waste that precious moment of my life crying over things which I cant help or which can be resolved if I take an action,gather courage to achieve what I want.

Crying and suffering will make us more weak,more irrational.What I would achieve on being sad over illuck or hard times is sympathy,but that’s all your near and dear ones can do.They can sympathise,but will that sympathy make your life better.You may feel better for a while but unless you yourself give an effort and understand that crying doesn’t helps won’t make things better for you.

But if I am responsible for my happiness then why I am not happy always.Though I know everything why I can’t be happy always and avoid being gloomy at times.Avoid feeling pathetic at times.

Who’s responsible for our happiness?

Priya 5

Priya: Tell him,there is no Priya here…(Thinks again)..Errrr!!! Wait..Tell him she is coming…(she decides that she will tell him on face that don’t bother me and I don’t want to talk to you anymore)

Priya goes out…

Ashish smiles on seeing her.He was looking miserable.(Priya wanted to smile too,she was seeing him after so long,how much she had been missing to see that face and now it’s in front of her,she just wanted to go and hug him tight and ask him why he came so late,but she controlled her sudden gust of emotions and came back to reality)

Priya giving him a serious look with no expressions(infact angst)

Ashish: Hi Pri,How are you???What’s happening?Why are you doing all this????

Priya: Ashu you only said you want a breakup and I am doing exactly the same,what you wanted,I am giving it to you without any complaint.What’s your problem now?

(thinking oh Ashu you are looking so miserable,what happened to you,what have you made yourself,why are you doing all this?)

Ashish: I never said that you should stop talking to me.I want us to be friends forever.

Priya: Don’t start this bullshit of friendship again.It is not possible you know.Anything else you want to say.If not then let me tell you.I do not want to talk to you ever again or see your face.Kindly leave me alone.This is the last time you are seeing me.

Ashish:Bakwaas mat kar yr..This ain’t going to happen.I can’t survive without talking to you.You know I have been coming daily and watching that the room in your light is switched off,I have been calling you daily on your old number(shows his call logs)What do you think I am idiot that I am doing so???

Priya: Ashu,don’t do all this.Why are you doing all this if you don’t want me ?One day you will get married to someone else and I to someone else then you will stop talking right?Then why not today?

Ashish: No,I will never stop talking to you ever.

Priya: Stop all this nonsense.I am leaving ,there is no use of this discussion.Because you are still saying the same thing.You want a breakup.If you have decided then I too have decided.Now it’s time that I should also take decisions.You have always taken decisions in our relationship and I said nothing. But today I am going to decide.

Ashish: (Holds her hand and is not letting her go) Give me your new number.

Priya: Forget it.I will never give it to you.I don’t want you to give another chance to hurt me yet again.If you are that firm about your decision why you are doing all this?

Ashish:Please don’t force me to change my decision.

Priya: I am not asking you to do so.I am just telling you my decision.Good bye Ashish.

Ashish: (Still not letting her go,stands in her way and is still holding her hand)

Priya: Ashu don’t create a scene here.I will shout if you won’t leave me.This is it.This was our last meeting and final talk and we are not seeing each other ever again.

Ashish: This is what you want Pri?You want me to die this slow death?I will die yr if you do like this.

Priya: Don’t do this Ashu please.Don’t hurt yourself and me anymore.

Ashish: Pri,I am not able to sleep since so many days.I am not able to concentrate on my work.I just think about you that how you are doing.I know you are hurt and upset and I am not leaving you.I want to be with you as friend.

Priya: Again friend?How can you be a friend to someone you loved,I can’t see you with anyone else.I cannot be and I am clear about it.It will hurt me.

Ashish: I can be just friends nothing more than that.I need you Pri.I can’t live without you.I will die,don’t do this.

Priya: Ashu you are clear regarding what you want and I am clear regarding what I want.So stop all this.It is over.Don’t hurt me or yourself anymore.Just go and let me go.

Ashish: Pri please,I can’t live without you.I am not able to sleep.(Pri looks at his face,he was really looking like he hasn’t slept for days,she felt like holding him and telling him,she is with him always,she only belongs to him but snaps back to reality and life)

Priya: But it is you who has decided for breakup not me Ashu.Just stop it.Leave.

She uncuffs her hands from his hold and rushes to her hostel gate.

Priya is now back to her room and crying her heart out.Ashish was looking so miserable,whatever he was saying is true,he has been suffering.But Priya has been suffering too and he is the one who is causing both to suffer.After so much also he is firm on his decision.But priya has decided that if that is his decision then she is not going to see him or talk to him.

Priya 4

Priya was still engulfed in sadness and started spending more and more time with her friends whom she was not able to give time earlier, to get out of depression and pain.She changed her mobile number and requested her hostel warden that if any guy comes and enquires about her ,tell that she has left the hostel.

She started her life anew.She used to be busy whole day working and chatting with friends who cared.Who understood her and loved her.But at the end of day when she used to return to her room,she will be sad as ever and most of the times she will sleep crying.

After a week,she received a call from her best friend Rashmi.

Rashmi: Hello Pri

Priya: Hi Rashmi,how are you dear?

Rashmi: I just received a call from him and he was asking about you.

Priya: Whom you received a call from?Who was asking about me?

Rashmi: Ashish yr.I don’t know how he got my number ,he just called me.He was asking me where is Priya?He said he went to your hostel and your warden told him you have vacated the hostel.

Priya: What did you say?What did you tell him???(She was nervous)

Rashmi: I told him I just met you in evening and you are in the same hostel.

Priya: Rashmi,tu gadhi hai…why you told him all that?You should have told I don’t know.Anyways,I didn’t tell you about all this.

Rashmi: Hey,he was asking me whether you have changed your number and I told no,your number is same.That I am calling on same number now.You should appreciate me for that.

Priya: Yes dear.I do.Thank you for not giving him my new number.I wonder how he got your number.I never gave him.(Starts crying now) Why the hell he is showing so much concern??If he doesn’t loves me,doesn’t wants me,why the hell he is not leaving me alone.

Rashmi: Dear,stop crying.He is not a good fellow.Don’t waste your tears over him and your life too.He doesn’t deserves you.

Priya: Yes dear.(Not in a position to talk anymore) Ok then …thank you swthrt for not giving my number and sorry for him bothering you like this.Catch you later.I will be having my dinner now.Its 10:30.

After 15 minutes her roommate comes.

Roomy: Pri,I am getting call from Ashish.Its been 3 times he called me.I was busy talking to Sunil(her husband) on phone and I couldn’t pick up.Shall I pick up his phone??

Priya: No.Don’t pick up his call.

Roomy: But he called so many times…I should tell him something.

Priya: No don’t !!! let him call.If you pick up then decide yourself what you want to say.I am not talking to him.(Pri has turned angry(aka devil) and she is very irritated now).She is baffled that why he is doing all this if he doesn’t wants her…What is he trying to prove?

Priya thinking(He came to hostel to ask about me.He must have been trying to call me on old number and that’s why he came.But how he got Rashmi’s number?)

They had a big fight once before and Ashish didn’t eat anything for 2 days.He called her almost 100 times in 3 hours.Priya switched off her mobile and finally Ashish came to her hostel at night and requested her warden to call Priya.She was thinking he would again create a scene.She was right.She knew Ashish well.But what does he wants???

Two more days passed by and now Ashish is not calling any of her friends because he did not get much information from anyone.But he mailed her,Priya opened her gmail and there was a mail from Ashish.

Subject: U idiot

Mail: Where are you stupid girl??Yeh kya nautanki hai?Number change kar liya?Hostel warden is saying you vacated??What is going on??Call me ASAP.

Priya did not reply.Second day again she received an email.

Subject: RE:U idiot

Mail: You were asking to visit that old age home from long.I thought we will go there this weekend.

But you changed your number,vacated the hostel???Not talking to me.If this is what you want then let be it.Don’t blame me.

Priya wondering why he is doing all this?What he wants?

Suddenly a girl in her hostel came to her room.Priya?you are Priya right???

Priya: (thinking why she is asking her name like this,she doesn’t know her,apart from the fact that she lives in same hostel.Finally utters…) Yes,I am Priya

The girl : There is one guy standing downstairs in front of hostel and he is shouting that he wants to talk to Priya.Call Priya he is saying.I was in the balcony.

Priya: (shocked,not knowing what to do,what to reply to her)

Priya 3

She opened the message.It read “ Pri tu hai pari,aakhir kar hi dia tune mujhe bari Thanks Pri”

Her heart cried aloud.She got lost in thoughts,memories to be precise.Ashu used to call her Pari,whenever she will make faces,be angry on him,he will make an innocent face and will say this line “Pri tu hai pari,kar de mujhe bari”.And she would laugh hilariously and forget what the fight was all about.But now her Ashish was saying something else. He wanted her to leave and was thanking her for granting him his wish.For not creating scenes and throwing tantrums over it.She had just let go.

But the message saddened her soul.It kept haunting her,reminding her of those sweet talks and daily night walk till the tea stall.Daily night at 11 they will go for tea together.Ashish never used to drink tea.He was a coffee man But with Pri,he became a tea man Initially when he was not able to express his love and didn’t know how to meet her when he craved for after office.He used to ask her for tea out nearby her hostel.And she always did come.So he had tea daily without fail and he became so addicted he left coffee and even in office had tea 4 times a day.Yeah,love changes people

So,if Ashish loved her so much , why he was leaving her???This question Pri was not able to answer.

Pri became restless and finally gave a call to Ashish,the next day Saturday.

Pri: Hello…(stammering a bit)

Ashu: Hey,hi,how are you?

Pri: Ashu why are you doing all this?(with angst and tears laden eyes)

Ashu: What Pri?

Pri: Why did you called me yesterday???Why did you messaged???

Ashu: Pri I just wanted to know how are you?

Pri: Ashu,you have declared your decision and made my life hell already.What else do you want??If you want to leave me,then just do it.Don’t call me like this or send messages as you sent yesterday.It disturbs me.

Ashu: Pri..listen to me…

Pri: Just understand,don’t call me or message me.Hope it is clear.

Ashu: pri…

Pri: (disconnected the phone)

Ashu calling….She doesn’t picks up.He calls twice more.She doesn’t answers.Message from Ashish.

“Pri don’t do this.Please try to understand me.I care about you.And I won’t be able to live without talking to you.You are my biggest support.My reason for happiness.Why can’t we be just good friends???”

Pri(thinking) Good friends???Bullshit!!!Friendship ..How can I be “just friends”,how can I forget about our love,those talks,those things,is it possible,never for me.It would be like fooling myself on name of friendship and living a fake relationship.He has deteriorated so much.Her Ashish,what happened to him???He wasn’t like this.

Pri calls Ashu..Really furious.She is a devil when she is angry.

Ashu: Hello

Pri: Which language you understand,please let me know.I have told you I do not want you to call me or message me.Why the hell you doing that again then???Just leave me alone if you can’t be with me.Don’t create a hell out of my life anymore.You have done whatever damage you could have,understood???

(Disconnects the phone)

Ashu calling again…

Pri picks up and shouts…DO NOT CALL ME,HAVEN’T I BEEN CLEAR IN WHAT I SAID.I HOPE I WAS. ( Disconnects the phone)

Pri now crying after doing all this crazy stuff.She doesn’t knows what she should do and whether what she has done was correct.But she feels somewhere that its correct.(satisfies herself for her actions)

Priya 2

Priya seemed to be lost most of the times.She became very vulnerable and even small things made her break down and pour her heart out.She started to make herself aloof from all her near and dear ones.She just wanted to grieve and to be alone.She started hating herself for what she was becoming.She knew she was a strong person.

Days passed by and it was Friday soon.Friday,the day when they used to go for dinner together.When they used to spend more time than usual.She came office and left early as she used to every Friday.She reached her hostel early and didn’t know what to do.Whatever she used to do Ashish was a part of it.Whether its buying grocery or clothes.Paying bills or movies.She was feeling pathetic.Suddenly the phone ringed.And the name flashing was Ashu…her Ashu was calling her after 4 days.

She didn’t know what to do.She didn’t pick up.He called again.She picked up.

Ashish: Hello…

Priya: (Speechless,Couldn’t utter a word..)

Ashish: Hello…Pri..You there???

Priya: (Murmered) Hi..(her cheeks are sodden now with tears)

Ashish: So,How are you???

Priya: (After so many days,he is asking me how am I?How I have spent all these days without a word from him..Then he didn’t care,how was I ? )

Ashu,what do you want???

Ashish: Hey,I just called to know how are you???

Priya: ( How am I supposed to be after you left me like this???As if you don’t know how am I???)

Disconnects the phone….(starts crying more and is graveful now)

Phone rings…Ashu calling….She doesn’t picks up.

A message pops up on her mobile screen…Its from Ashish.

Priya1

Pri: (shocked,not knowing what to say) What are you saying?I don’t like these silly jokes of yours sometimes.

Ashish: I am not joking.I am serious.I can’t make you wait for 2 years.And I can’t marry now.

I don’t think I am prepared for it now.I need to settle and build my career.My career is most important to me in my life,you know that.After these two years I would be in a better position in life.Confident to fulfill my dreams and my parents expectations.

Pri: What about “us” Ashish???I can wait for us for an eternity.2 years will pass and we won’t even realize.

Ashish: No Pri.Your family has already started looking for a match and it’s your age to get married.

I don’t want to spoil your life because of me.So,we are breaking up.

Pri: How can you make our decisions alone?And why can’t we be together?(tears welled up in her eyes)

Ashish: Don’t do this.Don’t make it difficult like this.I have decided.

Pri: If you have decided then nothing much is left for me to say.Best of luck for your future Ashu.

Wish you get what you want in life.

Ashish: (Leaves)

Pri: (Still dazed and crying now in her room)

The past two years they spent together just flashed by her mind.Each and every incident,each and every talk.It all just started haunting her.

Priya woke up in morning with swollen eyes.She looked horrible.Ashish didn’t call her after declaring his decision.

She mended herself up and got ready to reach office.She reached office a bit late because she did not want everyone to notice what a wreck she has made of herself.She allowed herself to look calmer and tried to be composed.

Priya was constantly looking at her phone.Waiting for a call that will never come.Every call she received she expected the phone to flash the name she wanted to see,but each time she gained only disappointment .

Finally it was time to leave office.Priya and Ashish used to leave their respective offices nearly at the same time so that they can meet.They used to call before leaving.Today Priya left without calling him.

Once she was at home,her eyes got glued to her phone.Waiting every instant that now her Ashu would call her and tell that I am missing you,want to see you.

But time went by,and so did the night.And her Ashu didn’t call. When her tears abandoned her and she dozed off,she didn’t realize.She woke up again with swollen eyes and looked miserable as ever.Her roommate asked what’s wrong.She said nothing.What can she say?

That her love abandoned her . That he left her as if she never meant anything to him.

Priya

She stood there stunned.Watching him leave.Her whole world crumbled in front of her eyes and she couldn’t do anything.She just watched.He said those words as if they didn’t mean anything,nothing mattered,she didn’t matter anymore.


Ashish called Priya and came to meet her as he daily does.Their day doesn’t completes unless they see each other.Seeing each other after the whole day spent in office used to be the best thing of the day for the two of them.Yes they were in love.Today,Priya could sense something unusual about him.He was not her Ashish.He was hesitating and seemed to be burdened with something.She knew every bit of him.Priya knew Ashish more than he knew himself and she understood what he is feeling and when, without him saying a word.So,she blurted out finally,what’s wrong?Ashish looked away from her eyes and said nothing.

Priya:Oh!Come On!!!Now tell me.

Ashish: Errr..It’s nothing Pri….

Priya: (raising her eyebrow) ..Nothing???

Ashish: K.Pri I want to see you happy.I want all the happiness in the world for you..

Priya: (Still thinking where is it going,looking in his eyes)

Ashish:Pri I am leaving for US for two years.I got an opportunity, you know how much I wanted this.

Priya: (Excited) Wow!!!Tht’s a gr8 news you ullu.Itni nautanki kyun?

I am so happy for you.I know how much it matters to you.Your wish came true.

I need a party,a big one.We are going to celebrate.

Ashish: Pri I want to see you happy in life…

Priya: I am happy you stupid,very happy for you.

Ashish:Pri,you get married and settled with someone else.

Time machine

There have been moments when I have thought “Garsh!!I would have had a time machine and I can go and change some things”.But if you ask me now I wouldn’t want to change many things(few things are always an exception ;).I would like to go back and be a child again.I would love to relive my innocent childhood once more.

I would do anything in the world to get those precious moments again.To be a child yet again.Free of responsibilities, free of convoluted thoughts of my own desires.To play whole day and scream around.Doing stupid things but be the reason of smile on everyone’s face.Being loved and pampered.

I have always been in a hurry to grow up and be independent. Being a child I thought I have so many restrictions. Once I grow up I can do anything I want to.I can eat as many chocolates I want, I can play as long as I want and nobody will complaint. But I didn’t know once I grew up there would be no more such desires.Things will change,I will change.My perspective about the world will change.The world earlier was so nice.Everything was a rainbow.But now it’s all Black and White.I am in a jungle of myriad creatures.They all are one species but they all are so different.Each wearing a mask of their own and I don’t know whom to trust and whom to not.Garsh,I can be a child again free of this awareness and knowledge which I have now.To be unconcerned with the internal and external wars of the world and myself.To be innocent enough and adorable.

Oh dear time machine where you are?Take me back..from adulthood to childhood.

To be in twenties

I was really eager to grow up,be independent,be an adult.But now it feels like how fastly things are changing.How everything is changing at such a fast pace.I have just started living and enjoying life and its time to be tied up.Tie the knot!!! with some1 whom I dont knw,I nvr met and spend my whole life with him.

Will that person understand me,my fears,my joys,ME.Everyday I am getting mails and calls of my friends getting married.It has started giving me creeps.And I was the hiroshima and Nagasaki when my father dropped the W-Bomb on me last week.He sent me two profiles and asked me to select.How could I?Could I?How should I decide?

I went crazy for a week.And still I m going crazy.

The Phoenix(Its Time To Rise Again)

Its been a long time.Things have changed much.When I look back I see a different person behind.But as they say,change is the only constant thing in Universe.And I do not regret any of the changes that came.So,here I am again.Redefining and finding myself.I had let myself be succumed to this world and to life.I lived,I travelled,I made numerous friends.I was just seeing my post and I realised how idiotic I was,how emotional.I still am emotional but ya not that much :P

I have learned to love life more than before and value it more.I have found I am not the only person having thoughts which others may not find amusing or interesting but I have plenty of like minded people around me.I havent written anything since about an year though I much wanted to.I just lost myself somewhere.So time to mend it up. :)
Here I come....