Dreams Unlimited

We all dream and desire right.Thats what keeps us going.With age dreams change.When I was a child I dreamt to be a teacher,after few more years I wanted to be an engineer,after few more years I wanted to be an IAS.But I ended up being in IT.Yeah,I never knew how it would actually feel like to be a software engineer until I ended up being one. He he he  

So everyone dreams of something and with time and circumstances dreams and desires change.Now,I have completely different dreams and desires(**it’s a secret,can’t reveal**) ;).But most of the people have same fantasies and desires during a period of their life time.I am not what I wanted to be but perhaps this was what I was meant to be,perhaps this was where I was supposed to be,to make me what I am today.We plan,we strive,we work hard but many a times we end up being somewhere we never thought we would be.But sometimes it is better than where you could have been and worth it.

Leaving all this thinking apart let me lighten up and ask you what you wanted to be when you were a child? I wonder how many will say a software engineer…He he he

Life is Beautiful

Life is beautiful.I keep telling this to myself whenever I feel like things are falling apart.That soon everything will fall into place.And things mend up in what seems like a century.You are again smiling,laughing your heart out,seem to be back with a bang and then there are moments when the shadows of the past reincarnate and haunt you.You are so broken and seems like this night will never end perhaps.But no as they say life goes on.You move around in a vicious circle.You move on and try to make present as charming as you always wanted to be.And then you have a meeting with the so called life.Yes,the beautiful life you always dream of.But what actually would my beautiful life be like?Would I want lots of money to afford every luxury I can dream of, or if I am with the love of my life living happily ever after?Is it?But life isn’t fairy tales.Even if you get married to your love it isn’t happily ever after.It takes lots of effort for everything.So you make your life beautiful with your efforts.If you have decided that my life is beautiful then no one can mess with it.It takes courage,determination and not giving up in the hardest of moments,in having the slightest ray of hope in the darkest of times.So,I am going to live my beautiful life which will be with my family and friends,what’s your idea of a beautiful life?

What you think if you have or will have then your life will be beautiful?

A journey

They were travelling on a long trip.But the silence hanging in air was deafening.The morbid silence shattered her into thousands of pieces each second it prolonged.She stole a glance at him.He was quiet as ever,he is never quiet,always chattering,making fun and doing something or the other.

Reminiscents of pasts floated in front of her eyes.They are sitting in an auto travelling to one end

of the city from the other,same as today.But things were so different.The playful banters,the laughter,the shining faces nothing was there today.All seems to be stolen,sucked up in the abyss of time.

She still loves him the same way she did before.But he doesn’t wants to wander over the untravelled roads of love anymore.His callous,strange behavior broke her heart,choked her breath.But she can’t change anything about it.Neither can she change him,nor herself.

He started doing facebook in his phone to pass through the long journey.His love was next to him but she meant nothing to him at this moment,she was not his love anymore.She was not even just another person,not even a good friend,not even an enemy,she was nothing anymore,nothing.She was just some burden he has to bear for next few hours because of circumstances,which has brought them together after so long.

Again she was lost in the past.The events of their first meeting till last flashed through her mind in a few seconds.She still doesn’t knows what she did wrong?Was she not understanding enough,she didn’t love him enough?Was she not a beautiful person,inside and out,she wasn’t good enough?

She concluded she is not good enough for him and she is not destined to love or be loved.Fate has always snatched all those from her whom she loved the most.Her Mom,the only person she loved more than anything in the world left her alone.She didn’t wanted to,she fought bravely with destiny and herself for 2 years but leukemia won in the end.This wounded her deeply but she started learning to live,because life goes on.She started to love again but he again left her wounded.Wounds which can perhaps never be healed,not even by time,the best healer of all.

But she learned to conceal those lethal wounds and live,laugh,dance and work.Suddenly the auto came to a halt.She snapped back to present.The journey was over.It was really a long journey,she travelled her whole life in past half an hour.

Just listen

Sometimes you just want people to listen to you.Your friends and your dear ones should just listen to what you are feeling and what you are going through.And you don’t want them to impose suggestions and decisions that you should take in that situation.Sometimes all you just need is to vent your heart out.But people often end up giving clarifications and justifications for why this is happening and what you should do?But you know what you should have done and what you should do many a times but you just want a kindred soul to have patience and just hear out what you have to say.You don’t want their opinions which are each varying most of the time and confuse you further at times and make you feel worse.I am not blaming them,I know that they love us and care for us and what they think is best is what they are telling you.But often I don’t need to hear anything from them and I just want them to listen.

Monsoon Blues

 

It was raining incessantly and the clouds roared ,thundered and poured over the city.She stood by the window watching the rain and wondering.She was also sodden,her heart was laden with grief and wanted to pour out as the heavy dark clouds did.But life has taught her to carry this burden and be calm and serene as a bright clear day.

She remembered the day when she first came to this city.It was rainy season.The city was all wet and the life was almost at halt with long traffic jams.Life was particularly very slow in this city,the city of Joy Kolkata.But it was full of colors and joy.The awesome food,the jovial and friendly people.She made numerous friends in no time.

Ten years have passed since then and she was never able to leave the city.She fell in love with it.She liked this slow pace of life.She always had been different from crowd.People loved to run,she loved to walk,slowly enjoying everything around. Fast moving life in metros repelled her,soured her soul,where people don’t have time even for themselves.She wanted time for herself,to nurture her soul,to let her be with herself.There was some magic in the air of city which charmed her,alluded her.

She was distracted by a voice.It was Mitthu her maid.. “ Didi,cha toyeri hoye gache “ She bought the steaming cup of tea.”Dhonobad Mitthu…tumi giye aaram koro…aamar aar kichu chai naa.”

She was lost again in the trivia of past,present and future.But the past snatched her away from all others and engrossed her thoughts.Her first day in this city,she had been out from her home for the first time.There was fear and excitement amalgamated on her face.But she was beautiful and charming.She used to attract people as honey attracts bee.She shed the shell in which she was hiding within few months and let herself expose to the world.

It was all bright and colorful.She got wings and she flew to heights never known to her.She rediscovered herself.But then he came into her life,into Shreya’s life.He who left her with broken wings and broken heart.She went through excruciating pain,amount of pain she never experienced before in her life.He was a gust of wind who blew her away with him.Her happiness,her girliness,her self.She was swept off and then she was thrashed to the ground.

Who is responsible for our happiness?

I came across something which made me ponder over this topic.

We all want to be happy in our lives.We want to enjoy and laugh till our last breathe.Nobody wants to suffer and to be in pain.But where does this happiness comes from?How to be happy?

Is it something which we get from outside,material things,from being loved,from being valued and getting whatever we desire?

All our wishes being fulfilled however stupid,irrelvant desires,dreams we have,what if they all come true?Then will we be happy?Or we would want something else then.When we get something we really want,it gives us joy.But for how long.Its always momentarily.

Once its met we dream and desire for something else and find our happiness in acheiving that.

So who is responsible for us to be happy?Is it GOD’s duty to fulfill all our desires?Is it

all the people related to us who should behave and do things in way we want them to and expect them to.What about their needs and their desires?About their individuality?

What I really think is I am responsible for my feelings and my happpiness.

Only me myself can make me feel mad,sad or happy at anytime.Situations,fate,circumstances whatever they may be,however hard they may be,but in the end if i have decided to be happy and smile through them all,then what?

The problems won’t be resolved but there’s no use fretting over them.Time is flying by so quickly.Why should we waste our time being sad,why to waste that precious moment of my life crying over things which I cant help or which can be resolved if I take an action,gather courage to achieve what I want.

Crying and suffering will make us more weak,more irrational.What I would achieve on being sad over illuck or hard times is sympathy,but that’s all your near and dear ones can do.They can sympathise,but will that sympathy make your life better.You may feel better for a while but unless you yourself give an effort and understand that crying doesn’t helps won’t make things better for you.

But if I am responsible for my happiness then why I am not happy always.Though I know everything why I can’t be happy always and avoid being gloomy at times.Avoid feeling pathetic at times.

Who’s responsible for our happiness?